7 Alternative Professions For Iggy Azalea

Iggy-Azalea

We take a look at controversial Aussie hip hop “star” Iggy Azalea and consider 7 alternative jobs for the femcee.

The furore around Australian hip hop “artist” Iggy Azalea has been bubbling under the genre’s surface for quite some time but it wasn’t until recently that the volcano truly erupted. In, Forbes wrote an article entitledclaiming Azalea’s influence was… Understandably, an internet backlash ensued causing the journalist to alter the title and make an apology. This has done little to thwart the Aussie from continuing along her path to stardom, a journey full of appropriation, hypocrisy and tasteless cliches.

It goes without saying that hip hop would be just fine without her presence but we have kind hearts at Sampleface and wouldn’t just discard someone without an alternative form of employment. So here’s a list of seven professions that might suit Iggy a little better.

1. Foreign language interpreter

iggy-languages

Iggy’s ascent to the upper echelons of hip hop have given her the perfect platform to make a difference in the world, particularly for those uninitiated in the lexicon of hip hop. She has taken it upon herself to appropriate adopt the language derived from hip hop culture and use it at will in her own wacky ways. For other white people wanting to join in, Iggy could be the perfect interpreter. Offensive, you say? We’re in a post-racial society. Slavery and racism died out with the Civil Rights movement and plenty of black rappers use these words. We need an Iggy Azalea to help us understand.

2. Cultural studies professor

iggy-cultural-professor

Following on from the previous profession, Iggy has clearly shown prowess in education judging by her scholarly performance in the Fancy video. Much like the character of Cher Horowitz from 90s classic Clueless, Azalea wants to better herself and study hard to become the best person she can be; with lyrics such as “You should want a bad bitch like this / Drop it low and pick it up just like this”, how can you argue that fact? Hip hop doesn’t feature nearly enough in academic circles and seeing as the majority of top professors are white and male, it stands to reason that a white female rapper would make the perfect inclusion with her fascinating insights into how hip hop culture works. Shake things up a bit for the black people with no voice. Thanks, Iggy.

3. Personal shopper

iggy-shopping

There’s no mistaking Iggy Azalea’s unique dress sense. When she’s wearing barely anything at all, she’s in a wide range of clothes derived from a multitude of cultures. It stands to reason, then, that she would make the perfect personal shopper for any high end department store. Grills, traditional Hindu garments and bindis, bathing suits, varsity jackets, snapbacks, derriere-accentuating clothes. She’s like a living mannequin. She’d look perfect in a Native American headdress or a Nigerian buba/gele ensemble.

4. Dance instructor

iggy-dancer

Miley Cyrus isn’t the only one twerking her way to the top. No, Iggy has shown herself to be quite the ass shaker. We need more twerking from anyone and everyone. It’s not a question of appropriation or having the ass for it, just do it anyway. Why should black girls have all the fun? A double act between Miley and Iggy could create a global phenomenon even surpassing the “twerk”. It’d be the new moonwalk, and let’s face it, that wasn’t Michael Jackson’s either.

5. Animal herder

iggy-cowgirl

MTV claim Iggy has been “channelling her inner cowgirl” for her appearance at a cowboy-themed festival in Canada on Sunday night, showing off her finest two-step and twerking techniques. She could take this a step further. A simple booty shake could rear in cattle like no cowboy has ever achieved in the past century. Let’s just hope she’s not wearing red around any bulls.

6. Stand up comedienne

iggy-comedian

Perhaps we’re looking at this all wrong. Maybe Iggy is just being ironic and in fact her whole persona is just a postmodern feminist take on women and racial appropriation in hip hop. In her song, Pu$$y, Azalea claims her “pussy” to be “illy” and “wetter than the Amazon”. That level of liberation with her body can’t simply be misconstrued as promiscuity, especially with such exquisite prose. Maybe we’re not intelligent or high brow enough to respect her humour. Because, she is joking right?

7. Mermaid/siren

iggy-azalea-bikini

In Greek mythology, the Sirens were known for their extreme beauty, pulling sailors into the water with their music. Of course, this resulted in death and while this hasn’t happened with any of her music (yet), the signs are all there: long hair, bathing suits, big alluring ass. Or the water could be a metaphor for alcohol or drugs. You’d have to be drunk or high to take any of those lyrics seriously anyway. RIP common sense.

About Luke Alex Davis

Luke Davis is a music producer and editor of music blog Sampleface. In his spare time, he enjoys watching tennis and football and reading.